I Must Be Emo
by Celeste de Chagny
Summary: The Potter gang is emo...and so is the rest of the school! If you are offended by emobashing, DO NOT READ! RHr, HG, mild HarryDraco for comic purposes only.
1. And the Emoness Begins!

Harry Potter woke up one morning and discovered that he was emo.

"I hate my life," he whined. "If she doesn't love me I don't want to live anymore." Ron groaned.

"Shut up, you don't know anything about suffering," he moaned. "My hair isn't the right color. It doesn't reflect the deep, miserable darkness of my soul like yours does."

They both got out of their respective beds and stared at one another.

"Your pants aren't tight enough," observed Ron rather unkindly.

"Your hair is too red," Harry countered. As if on cue, Hermione burst into the room, crying hysterically.

"It's not worth it," she sobbed. "Ron, I can't live without you! Please say you love me!" Ron started crying too.

"I love you, Hermione, but we can't be together until I dye my hair!" Harry produced a conveniently placed box of Hair Dye for Emos.

"Here, Ron," he said. "Ease your suffering and use my hair dye." Ron and Hermione took the box, and still sobbing in each other's arms, retreated into the bathroom to dye Ron's hair.

Harry, left alone in the room, took a razor off his dressing table and began systematically making shallow cuts on the inside of his wrist.

"I love you, Ginny! I love you so much! I would cut my life into pieces for you!"


	2. When Emos Fall In Love

A/N: I have no idea who wrote the 'cut my life into pieces' song, but it's decidedly NOT mine. Neither is Harry, unfortunately.

Ginny Weasley woke up the same morning and discovered that she was emo. She immedietly began to cry.

"If I can't go out with Harry, I'm going to kill myself!" Hermione jumped out of bed and ran out of the room, crying as well. Ginny opened a drawer and pulled out the two tightest pairs of pants she had.

"One for me, and one for Harry," she snivvelled, and began to cram her legs into the shorter pair.

An hour and a half later, Ginny made her teary way down the stairs into the common room. She clutched the jeans tightly to herself and limped up the boy's staircase. Her feet hurt in the rough canvas Converse she wore. When she reached Harry's dorm, she froze.

"What if he doesn't love me?" she whimpered. A voice seemed to answer from within.

"I love you, I love you! Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort! Ginny, I love you!"

She opened the door. "Harry?"

Harry abandoned the razor and leaped up.

"Ginny! I'll die if I can't have you!"

"I brought you some tight pants, Harry. And I wondered if you could dye my hair..."

Harry siezed her by the shoulders. "Does that mean you'll go out with me?!?!" he squealed. She nodded. "Of course I'll dye your hair! So it matches the color of your tortured soul!"

They beamed at one another beneficiently until Harry realized that they were supposed to be emo.

"I guess I'll put these on..." he sighed, and Ginny produced some black eyeliner.

"You'd better wear this too."


	3. Wingardium Leviosa?

Meanwhile, Ron and Hermione were debating about what to do first.

"I don't know...should we snog each other like maniacs, cut my hair, or dye it first?" mused Ron.

"Let's snog like maniacs," enthused Hermione.

"But then it won't be as awesome as when we snog each other as real emos."

"You're right. But I need to dye my hair too...hey, I know!"

"Oh, good, a brilliant Hermione Idea. What?"

"_Emo-cadabra!_" Hermione flicked her wand at Ron, and he became spectacularly emo, complete with skintight pants, a Good Charlotte shirt, and heavy eye makeup.

"Perfect. Now you can do the same for me." Ron gulped.

"But..." Hermione pouted, and Ron sighed. "Fine. _Emo-cadabra!_" He brandished his wand in the air, and Hemione turned Goth.

"That's not right, Ron. It's- swish and _flick!_"

"_Wingardium Leviosa!_"

"Ah, no!" Goth Hermione rose into the air with some difficulty, as all the metal in her boots and on her miniskirt was quite heavy.

"Hermione!" screamed Ron, starting to cry...again.


	4. Off the Walls and On the Celing

_To my reviewers: I LOVE YOU!!!!!!_

_To potential reviewers: Even if you hate it, TELL ME WHY!!!_

Let's be evil and leave Ron and Hermione in a crisis while we take a look at Draco.

Draco Malfoy woke up and discovered that he was emo.

"So what's the difference?" he muttered, throwing off the covers and attempting to stretch his legs in the uncharicteristically tight pants he'd forgotten to take of the night before.

Well, that doesn't make much of a story. So we'll leave him alone for now while we check out the rest of the Slytherins.

Pansy Parkinson applied her makeup, wondering why she was alive when the world was out to get her.

Millicent Bulstrode alternated bludgeoning the wall with her bloody knuckles and slashing at her arms with a razor.

Blaise Zabini was focused intently on cramming his legs into yet another pair of black skinny jeans. Several ripped pairs lay discarded on the floor around him.

Crabbe and Goyle were involved in a very classic, very stereotypical emo activity known to the general public as making out. We will say no more about this as it's bound to make us throw up. ((A/N: I don't care if people are gay or striaght as long as they don't suck face in front of me. Public Snogging grosses me out in general.))

Now, back to Ron and Hermione.

"Get me down!!" screamed Hermione.

"I can't!" screamed Ron.

"Well, get someone who can!" screamed Hermione.

"Okay!" screamed Ron. He dashed out of the bathroom and immediately collapsed on the ground moaning, "Oh, my balls!" His pants were too tight to allow much running. Finally, he managed to pick himself up and waddle out the door, down the stairs, and towards Professor Dumbledore's office.

Hermione tapped her foot on the celing. She was upside down and not enjoying it very much. The goth-ness was starting to seep into her brain, and she was getting angry.

_Until next time. I can't update very often, so get ready for a long haul._


	5. Int Dumbledore

_To everyone who reviewed: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! THANKS!!! It really makes me happy to see that people actually take the time to read my story. Big hugs to all of you. Mwuh.  
_

_For those who expect to see review replies in the story: I usually reply by P.M. because, when reading a story, it really annoys me to have to scroll through three miles of replies to get to a three-inch paragraph (like my story, haha)._

_Tell your friends and family!! R&R!!!!!_

Dumbledore was on his way down to the Great Hall for breakfast, reminescing about his adolescence, when Ron waddled around the corner at top speed and crashed headlong into him.

"Help me, Dumbledore!" he snivveled, his eyeliner running down his face. "Hermione is stuck on the celing!"

"Alas," enthused Dumbledore, and Ron noticed what he was wearing. His eyes went wide with shock.

Dumbledore totally rocked a long, black trench coat over baggy black jeans and a Rolling Stones t-shirt. Apparently Dumbledore had been a Rolling Stones fan.

"Wait," said Ron in confusion. "You're supposed to be emo!" Dumbledore shrugged and took off his sunglasses.

"Oh well," he said. "Now what's this about Hermione on the celing?"

Ron immediately resumed snivvelling.

"It was all my fault," he wailed. "She turned me emo...sniff...and then...sniff...I was 'sposed to...turn her emo but...schnaux...it DIDN'T WORK AND SHE WENT GOTH AND NOW SHE"S ON THE CELING!!!!!!!"

Schnaux is meant to be a huge snort. Like crying? y'know?? 

Dumbledore shook his head sadly and set off toward the Gryffindor Tower. It weemed like breakfast would have to wait.

_TBC. I love you people. R&R!!!! (can you tell I LOVE reviews?)_


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